Hat Lore™ is the Reason for the Season
A Genre Approach to Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story (2024)
Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story – Genre
Per tradition, I am breaking my own rule a little bit to talk about a 21st century film because we simply gotta. For my last pre-Christmas Christmassy review, we gotta talk about Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story. Thankfully, the Review Roulette wheel landed on Genre as our lens for this review so let’s get into what this film and season are really about: sellin stuff.
I watched this movie with my best friend, and part way through she said, “I’m aware I’m being sold something but I’m not exactly sure what it is” and I think that sums up a lot of this film. It sells the customary Hallmark Christmassy things like heteronormative romances, uncomfortably delivered knee-slappers branded as wit, and a wholesome small-town vibe even though it’s portraying a city of over 500,000 people. And it also sells some more unique things like gender-bent expectations (in a female football fan and a man who can wrap gifts beautifully) and so much fucking Hat Lore™ you won’t be able to remember a time before you were aware of Hat.
It sells the Chiefs, obviously, and a truly large assortment of cocktails with holiday pun names that we assume have to be on sale at the stadium because they all but turned to the camera The Truman Show style to shout them out. It also sells the city of Kansas City itself with none other than Travis Kelce’s mom Donna making two (count ‘em, TWO) cameos in this movie when the actual literal mayor of KC, Quinton Lucas, and head coach of the Chiefs Andy Reid only get one each.
But it sells something else that I’ve noticed in a lot of this year’s Christmas fare that should give us all pause for a second. We know that these B-list Christmas rom-coms generally follow a formula with specific genre conventions including but not limited to: an emotionally unavailable woman who secretly longs to be a wife; a man whose life would be made more-perfect by a wife; a small town to settle down in with family around; a dead matriarch; and a Santa figure whose Christmas magic is normally not confirmed directly but instead is vaguely hanging over the film’s romantic pair as a sign of destiny. This year we’ve been getting a little something extra, a little zhuzh if you will of faith.
Now, faith is a classic Christmas motif, especially in films emphasising the Christmas spirit or the magic of the season (believe in Santa or else he’ll be locked in a mental hospital (that’s the plot of Miracle on 34th Street which I personally think is a bit much)). But in 2024, I’m getting more of a “believe in my exact faith in the way I believe in it or else” and I think that’s really, really important to think about. And it also brings me back to the most unique part of this strange film: Hat Lore™.
Okay, so the Hat. This movie is about Alana (Hunter King) whose parents met when they were children sitting next to each other for every Chiefs home game as decades-long season ticket holders. Alana repeats regularly throughout the film that she would simply not exist if not for the Chiefs. As her love interest, we have Derrick (Tyler Hynes), the Director of Fan Engagement for the Chiefs who admittedly does not know a single thing about the team or the city or its fanbase and it’s very unclear how he got this job in the first place. Derrick doesn’t have a family and moved around Europe his entire childhood, so he never even had an all-American Christmas to develop cute little traditions (apart from the SADDEST Christmas tradition of sending a change of address form to the North Pole every year). Derrick has to advocate for Alana’s family to win Chiefs Fan of the Year so they can watch the Chiefs/Eagles Christmas Day game from the sidelines. None of that is nearly as important as Hat, but it was necessary context.
SO, Hat Lore™. Hat is a vintage Chiefs beanie that grandpa (Ed Begley Jr.) was given by Santa in the 60s and he wore it on Christmas Day (important). The Chiefs won the Super Bowl that year and then Alana’s mom SOLD THE HAT in the family merch shop, and it was misplaced for 50 years until 2019. Stick with me. They wore it on Christmas that year and the Chiefs won in 2020; they subsequently wore it on Christmas Day 2020 and the Chiefs made it to the Super Bowl but lost (significant). They did NOT wear Hat in 2021, and the Chiefs did not make it to the Super Bowl (pattern emerging); they did wear it on Christmas in 2022 and the Chiefs won the Super Bowl; and then the family theorised that if they wore it Christmas 2023, the Chiefs would win in 2024, which, lo and behold, they did. So, Hat Lore™ is that if anyone in the family wears Hat on Christmas Day, the Chiefs at the least make it to the Super Bowl that year. Keen observers will also notice that Hat Lore™ was solidified in February of this year, the current year. Hat Lore™ is 10 months old.
Alana is like over 30 years old and for some undisclosed reason believes in Hat Lore™ more than the Baby Jesus. She is obsessed with Hat, and I would venture to say that apart from her dominant personality trait of Chiefs Superfan, her only other trait is Hat Superfan because the second Derrick questions Hat, he is out on his ass. She does apologise and says that he doesn’t have to believe in her thing, just because she believes it doesn’t mean anyone else has to. Lovely, right? Mature. But then my girl makes Hat everyone’s problem to the point that she breaks up with this man after they have fallen madly in love over a few Christmassy Chiefsy dates because Hat has gone missing and it’s a sign they shouldn’t be together. Even her own family have to be like “… Girl” and gently break it to her that Hat is a metaphor and a superstition and not real. But Alana is like “either you believe in my thing or you don’t believe in me” and here’s where my issue lies.
We were going strong for a lot of this film with hammy formula and too many Chiefs cameos and whatever, it’s fine. We get the heteronormative fairy tale, it’s all working fine, they’re going to have lots of babies from non-sexual intercourse, grand. The social conservatism is what we expect. But then there’s this insistence on converting one’s beliefs, no matter how silly. And it’s not just Derrick who needs to convert; the entire stadium gets near-identical versions of Hat to wear to the game as a marketing gimmick and to make Alana feel better about hers being lost. We are told “honey, it’s just a superstition; the real magic was having someone to watch the game with.” BUT THEN Santa shows up with Hat, everyone is wearing Hat-lites, Santa blesses the union, and we’re left with the confirmation that other people’s superstitions are just that, but Alana’s family Hat? That’s actual magic – her beliefs are correct.
And that’s questionable, right? That gives me pause because I don’t want to be sold the idea that I have to believe in my significant other’s specific beliefs to be happy. It’s different from believing in Christmas magic vaguely; it’s saying, “I need not only to love my partner but also to convert to their worldview in order for this relationship to work”. And I take issue with that.
In Netflix’s Hot Frosty (2024), there’s a similar emphasis on belief in that Lacey Chabert must believe against her better judgement that Dustin Milligan is a snowman or else he literally dies. In The Merry Gentlemen (2024), perhaps the most egregious offender, Britt Robertson must give up her decades-long dreams and thriving career to show just how much she believes Chad Michael Murray can strip for her parents. It’s a worrying trend for the Christmas rom-coms I’ve watched so far this year, putting just the tiniest twist on the already socially conservative messaging of the films to say faith in general isn’t enough; you have to have faith in the same way I do.
But you know which one I didn’t get that conforming, confronting message in? Lindsay Lohan’s Our Little Secret (2024) which I sincerely recommend not least for its lack of Hat Lore™. A delight in which the only thing I felt I was being sold was nostalgia and CBD gummies.
P.S. I hope all celebrating have a lovely, merry Christmas in whatever ways you choose and with whatever faith you hold. Happy holidays, dear ones!